Hey Friends !
We all are afraid of something.(well, someone will say I am not). Public speaking, making decisions, changing jobs, expanding business, failing in new project, being alone, disapproval, loss of image, aging, losing a loved one, making new friends, raise your hand to answer in a meeting or class, the list is endless.
We all know how these fears can make us limit ourselves. We begin to shut down and close out the world around us. We become timid and shivering. Our thriving life starts narrowing. First time when I was asked to speak in public, my mouth was drying and I was literally shivering. Those 3 minutes of mine were like 3 years. .
So if we strip this fear little bit . we find the biggest fear of all is only one fear.” I CAN’T HANDLE IT”.
Public speaking : If people will not like me “I can’t handle it”
Making decision : If my decision is wrong and if outcome is bad “I can’t handle it”
Making new friend : If I call for friendship and he/she denies it, I will feel ashamed and ” I can’t handle it”
Raising hand in a meeting: If I raise my hand and if my suggestion/answer is not accepted by others “I can’t handle it”. so on and so forth.
This means if we know we could handle anything that comes in front of us, what would we possibly have to fear ? the answer is NOTHING.
Susan Jeffers in her book “Feel the fear…….and do it anyway” says “All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way”
So the mantra is “I CAN HANDLE IT” you will say that’s it ? Yes, this is the mantra. In any life situation externally or any state of mind internally, This mantra will help.
We have to keep developing trust on ourselves. Every time we feel the fear ( which we will always feel) and if we know the mantra ” I can handle it” we should jump in it and do it anyway. By doing it repeatedly, fear will have no power over us.
Lets see few truths about FEAR
1. The FEAR will never go away as long as I continue to grow. As long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear. What a revelation! So now we are not going to wait for fear to go away and then pursue our dreams. We know it is going to be there.
2. The only way to GET RID of fear of doing something is to GO OUT AND DO IT. You can only get rid of it if you go out and do it. Doing it comes first before fear to go away. Normally we think that when I get rid of fear I will speak in public,but the truth is contrary to that. The fear will only go away if you go out and speak in public. Doing it comes first.
3.The only way to FEEL BETTER about myself is to GO OUT…..AND DO IT. Same principle. “Doing it” comes before the feeling better about yourself.
4. Everyone out there including my super heroes are fearful. :Really ? So you mean to say those big shots, motivational speakers, superstars all of them feel fear on unfamiliar territory ? YES. why didn’t somebody tell me before ? I guess I never asked. We think we are the only person on this earth who is afraid. It is such a relief to realize that I am not alone in this. I have the rest of the world to keep me company.
5. Doing it anyway… is less frightening than staying with fear and not fulfilling your dreams. For example, if you dream to change your job or career but because you are afraid, the whole life you will live under dread. whereas if you do it despite of your fear, imagine feeling you will have achieving it.
Lets feel the fear……. and Do it anyway.
Take one risk a day- one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you’ve done it. Call someone you are intimidated to call, buy a pair of shoes that costs you would ever pay in the past, ask for something you want to that you have been too frightened to ask for before. Break the pattern of holding back and being “stuck”. Watch what starts to happen when you expand your comfort zone.
Each night before you go to bed, plan the risk you are going to take the following day.